The Elephant's Trunk

Monday, September 26, 2005

Manic Monday


What a crazy morning! Due to the rain, traffic into downtown was awful. I arrived almost a half hour late to work. When I stepped off the elevator, I realized my shirt was on backwards! Fortunately, I was able to run to the bathroom before anyone saw me. Then when I finally sat down in my office, I noticed that Barry Tankholder was not happily playing in his fish bowl. In fact, he had turned a pale pink and was floating upside down at the bottom of the tank. May he rest in peace. He was one awesome fish. We were able to hold a brief fish funeral, and observed a moment silence. After work, I went to JoAnn's to find some new pebbles and sand for a tank makeover. However, I ended up picking up a How-to-Knit Kit. I'll work on the tank tomorrow, but in the meantime I have successfully knitted two rows to my first scarf.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

OSU Football Fans are NUTS!!

This past week, I was able to score a couple of tickets to the Iowa game. So today, my friend Jacquelyn and I headed to the 'Shoe (our first time on OSU's campus without a tour guide). It was Jac's first OSU game and she got to experience it all! The walking two miles to get into the stadium, trudging up the stadium stairs, witnessing the buckeye humor, the awesome stadium dogs, the buckeye necklaces, and of course Script Ohio! Oh yeah, the Bucks won...of course!


Thursday, September 22, 2005

Constituent Letter of the Year

An office on my floor received the following letter this week. We all believe this is the real deal. Names have been changed to protect the innocent…


Dear Representative------,

As a lifelong Republican, I have long admired your courage in defense of conservative principles in the Ohio House of Representatives. I have followed your career closely, and am looking forward to supporting you in any other position you run for. Before you leave the legislature, however,
I would like to offer a policy suggestion that I hope you will propose this year.

A good friend of mine is nearing 40 and has decided to start a family. While we have no romantic attraction, she has asked me to be the father of her child (through insemination). The law in Ohio is very clear on contracts and laws on these types of arrangements (I will be taking an active role in the child’s life as godfather, but she will excuse me from child support); however, there is one glaring omission. After some research, I discovered that my sperm would bring a very high value on the cryogenic market (I am a former varsity basketball player who had a 1450 SAT). In addition, my friend would be effectively “priced out” of the market for a donor of my caliber (after she takes into consideration the expenses she will incur in lost time at work, childcare, etc.). Although it only entails a brief inconvenience to me, I think it is only fair for me to be able to write off $5000 from my taxes as a “charitable donation” (the fair market value I would be able to receive for my donation). This principle is used in other sorts of in-kind gifts. (I deducted a $1000 from my taxes after donating a car to the Salvation Army last year).

I look forward to hearing that you have sponsored my idea.

Sincerely,
Citizen of XX District
Ohio

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Cradle to Grave

Below is a copy of the mission statement taken from the OPCL's website:

The goal of the Ohio Partnership for Continued Learning is to integrate Ohio’s educational systems to establish a seamless, lifelong learning experience that will prepare all Ohioans for success in the 21st Century knowledge economy.

"The Partnership for Continued Learning is dedicated to fulfilling an important promise to each and every Ohioan. To equip our children with the tools they need for a successful future, we must guide them from their first steps into the classroom as preschoolers to the time they enter the workforce and contribute to Ohio's overall economy."
--Governor Bob Taft, Chairman of the Ohio Partnership for Continued Learning

Ohio’s, and the world’s, economy is transitioning, creating more dynamic, knowledge-based jobs. These jobs demand workers with strong skills in math, reading and writing; workers that must be able to communicate clearly; to work in teams and solve problems analytically; and able to gain new skills and knowledge throughout a career.

Ohio’s educational systems need to work harmoniously to provide students with the tools they need to compete in an ever-changing and increasingly technical marketplace.

To that end, Governor Bob Taft called for the Ohio Partnership for Continued Learning. The Partnership will focus on Ohio’s education pipeline from early education through postsecondary education to the workforce, strengthening Ohio’s capacity to prepare every student for success in a challenging future.

Established in statute and chaired by the Governor, the Partnership includes leaders from education, business and industry, economic development, government and local communities. {what about parents???} The Partnership will work closely with existing agencies and education providers to help students achieve academically and advance personally and professionally throughout their careers.

By enabling all Ohio students to succeed at school, on the job, and in their lives, this new framework will help Ohio succeed as a state.

One legislator's comments...
the chair {a republican!!!} of the Senate Education Committee, said Wednesday's meeting was the first step in creating "a cohesive educational network that will guide students throughout their educational careers from pre-school through college and into the workforce."

I don't know about you, but when I was four years old, I still wanted to be an astronaut. Somehow I ended up in politics! Do you think they will encourage all the little girls who want to be good mommys to be homemakers???

Here's another hypothetical question... Are they going to choose who gets the minimum wage jobs at McDonalds? If so, how? Are kids going to be stuck in a career rut from the time they are in preschool?

What they are not telling you....This is a study paid by the taxpayers. The governor came up with the idea of the commission, picked the members, and has the final say... the objectivity of the study seems questionable. Yes, something needs to be done for the system, but involving the very people who will one day be doing the hiring does not seem wise. I know I wasn't born to work for the good of the state, I have a higher calling in life.

Monday, September 12, 2005

NO SHAME

The federal response to Katrina was not as portrayed
Sunday, September 11, 2005

It is settled wisdom among journalists that the federal response to the devastation wrought by Hurricane Katrina was unconscionably slow.

Jack Kelly is national security writer for the Post-Gazette and The Blade of Toledo, Ohio (
jkelly@post-gazette.com, 412-263-1476).

"Mr. Bush's performance last week will rank as one of the worst ever during a dire national emergency," wrote New York Times columnist Bob Herbert in a somewhat more strident expression of the conventional wisdom.

But the conventional wisdom is the opposite of the truth.

Jason van Steenwyk is a Florida Army National Guardsman who has been mobilized six times for hurricane relief. He notes that: "The federal government pretty much met its standard time lines, but the volume of support provided during the 72-96 hour was unprecedented. The federal response here was faster than Hugo, faster than Andrew, faster than Iniki, faster than Francine and Jeanne."

For instance, it took five days for National Guard troops to arrive in strength on the scene in Homestead, Fla. after Hurricane Andrew hit in 1992. But after Katrina, there was a significant National Guard presence in the afflicted region in three.

Journalists who are long on opinions and short on knowledge have no idea what is involved in moving hundreds of tons of relief supplies into an area the size of England in which power lines are down, telecommunications are out, no gasoline is available, bridges are damaged, roads and airports are covered with debris, and apparently have little interest in finding out.

So they libel as a "national disgrace" the most monumental and successful disaster relief operation in world history.

I write this column a week and a day after the main levee protecting New Orleans breached. In the course of that week: More than 32,000 people have been rescued, many plucked from rooftops by Coast Guard helicopters.

The Army Corps of Engineers has all but repaired the breaches and begun pumping water out of New Orleans.

Shelter, food and medical care have been provided to more than 180,000 refugees.

Journalists complain that it took a whole week to do this. A former Air Force logistics officer had some words of advice for us in the Fourth Estate on his blog, Moltenthought: "We do not yet have teleporter or replicator technology like you saw on 'Star Trek' in college between hookah hits and waiting to pick up your worthless communications degree while the grown-ups actually engaged in the recovery effort were studying engineering.

"The United States military can wipe out the Taliban and the Iraqi Republican Guard far more swiftly than they can bring 3 million Swanson dinners to an underwater city through an area the size of Great Britain which has no power, no working ports or airports, and a devastated and impassable road network.

"You cannot speed recovery and relief efforts up by prepositioning assets (in the affected areas) since the assets are endangered by the very storm which destroyed the region.

"No amount of yelling, crying and mustering of moral indignation will change any of the facts above."

"You cannot just snap your fingers and make the military appear somewhere," van Steenwyk said.

Guardsmen need to receive mobilization orders; report to their armories; draw equipment; receive orders and convoy to the disaster area. Guardsmen driving down from Pennsylvania or Navy ships sailing from Norfolk can't be on the scene immediately.

Relief efforts must be planned. Other than prepositioning supplies near the area likely to be afflicted (which was done quite efficiently), this cannot be done until the hurricane has struck and a damage assessment can be made. There must be a route reconnaissance to determine if roads are open, and bridges along the way can bear the weight of heavily laden trucks.

And federal troops and Guardsmen from other states cannot be sent to a disaster area until their presence has been requested by the governors of the afflicted states.

Exhibit A on the bill of indictment of federal sluggishness is that it took four days before most people were evacuated from the Louisiana Superdome.

The levee broke Tuesday morning. Buses had to be rounded up and driven from Houston to New Orleans across debris-strewn roads. The first ones arrived Wednesday evening. That seems pretty fast to me.

A better question -- which few journalists ask -- is why weren't the roughly 2,000 municipal and school buses in New Orleans utilized to take people out of the city before Katrina struck?

(Correction/Clarification: (Published 9/12/05) -- Hurricane Andrew struck Florida in 1992, not 2002.)

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Good Luck Robby!!